About two weeks ago, our family returned from a wonderful trip that contained two family reunions. One of the family reunions was held in Belle Rive, Ill at a tiny church in the country near my Uncle's farm. Our family stayed at his house. My children ran around like wild Indians and had a blast jerking corn, teasing cows, riding motorcycles, playing in barns and being free. I ached when I saw how happy my children were with all the space they had to do what they pleased. We need land. My desire was ignited again for the millionth time...well actually, it has never gone out. Because of circumstances beyond our control, we have ended up in a very anal retentive subdivision with snooty people who worship their dogs beyond all understanding. I'm thinking dog taste like chicken and should be shot if their vet bill exceeds $500..... and they are thinking FiFi is evolved enough to inherit their estate. Completely different planes of thinking going on here. It's not where I ever envisioned my family growing up.

We have tried numerous times to get out of our current house to no avail. For starters, the market really stinks. Also, it was a monumental feat to get a house ready for a showing with eight children running around.....five of those precious children being six years old and younger. My older children are a wonderful help, but the stress a showing would put our family under, at a moment's notice, was insane, leading me to be awful to everyone around me...so not worth it. But I still want land in the worst way. Truly, I have physically ached over this. We did not mean to end up at our current residence. I know that sounds crazy but it is half way true.

We did have a contract out on a gorgeous house with 20acres of fenced pasture. We sold our house and were about to close on our dream land/house when the guy didn't show to closing saying he needed one more week. We waited one more week only to have him not show again and then try to back out of the deal. We were legally going to fry his gentle parts over an open flame when the Holy Spirit led us to do a background check on the seller. Turns out the guy was into drugs and tons of debt. We thought best of it and had to find another place to buy immediately as we had no home. As it played out, this discernment saved our lives. Three months later it was reported that our "dream home/land" blew up and took two days to put out. Most likely a meth lab......truly, I couldn't write a crazier story than this...but it is 100% true. Fast forward to our current residence. It was vacant at the time, a rental option to buy and in a nice, well sought after golf community. We thought we would fix it up and sell it two years later not knowing the housing market would crash. I feel bad for my children being holed up in this house. The house is nice, but we have no playing room outside, and the covenants are so strict that even our trampoline was reported. I feel so caged here. I don't care if I go to a double wide......we just need more land. We are trapped until we can sell this house. I can't tell you the financial schemes I would think up and present to my husband, just so we could get out of our house. When the country "Nigeria" came up in one of my financial schemes, he put his foot down. No, I never mentioned Nigeria, silly, I am just trying to get the point across that I was really desperate.

Sometimes, I get the feeling that the Lord is going to keep me here until I find contentment where I am. I have no choice at this point....we can't go anywhere now. My eleven year old came up to me today and admitted he liked living here. He had no idea what a comfort that was to me....knowing that he was not "suffering". It makes my chuckle when I realize that the hardships I imagine my children are having......aren't even a blip on the "hardship" radar.

My dream was to have a homestead with a horse, a dairy cow, some goats and chickens. Along with my children, I wanted to learn to work hard with my hands and be proud and thankful for what we could produce. I wanted to have a garden and be able to sit at the table and ask for the salad that was freshly picked. I wanted to learn how to can veggies and fruits, make cheese and learn to live off the grid. I wanted to learn how to self sustain and teach my children these skills as I think they are so important. Oh.......I still ache to do these things. Why does the Lord want us here, now? I know, poor me....waah, waah. But I can not deny it is my heart's desire.

Above are some pictures of my Uncle's farm that brought my ache back into rare form.