Update on the "Summer Blow Out" With Dad

Last week was my daughter's birthday and lo and behold we received a gift from my parents for her. They have made no attempt to contact Steve nor me but they somehow found it appropriate to send my dtr. a gift. As much as we would love a reconciliation, this was not going to work. Now, I know this sounds like a sweet attempt on their part.....but we sent it back with a letter written by my husband. Before you go and think that was such a horrible thing we did, read the following and I think you will understand. Let me add, that I am so proud of my husband....he is truly my hero.

Ted,

Yesterday we received your gift for Mollie. Thank you, it was very thoughtful.

However, at this time we cannot accept it. At the beach house you expressed numerous times that you did not want to continue a relationship with my wife. Since then there has been no contact, I am assuming that this still holds true.

As Thea’s husband and Mollie’s father a resolution needs to take place before any relationship is resumed with any member of my family. Circumventing parental relationships in order to maintain a grandchild’s relationship is not acceptable.

In order for a reconciliation to take place, several things need to happen:

1) An apology for your behavior at the beach house to my wife and my daughter Mollie who witnessed your outburst.

2) An acknowledgement that your anger is, and has been, a destructive problem.

3) An agreement that an attempt will be made not to use your temper with or against any of my family in the future.

4) An agreement to respect my choices in how I lead my family in regards to parenting, education, number of children and religion. I am not asking you to agree or like my decisions, just respect them. If you have any concerns regarding any of these areas, I would prefer you go through me to discuss them as opposed to making comments to / through the children and family gossip. We will abide by this in regards to your life choices as well.

Sincerely,

Steve

In case I haven't already said this, I love that Steve sent the above letter. My Dad responded with this letter:

Steve,

Thanks for the letter that arrived yesterday. It helped explain why you sent Mollie's present back.

Frankly, I don't have much interest in getting into an endless exchange of recriminations over the subject of your letter, so I won't. Other than to deny what I'm being accused of.

Per your request, I won't make any efforts to contact you or your family except an occasional birthday card. It seems cruel to use the relationship between me and my grandchildren to accomplish your objectives, but hey, you're holding the cards.

On the chance that you haven't got it in for Leslie (my step-mother) as much as you have it in for me, I haven't told her what you have done. She's still nourishing the thought that Mollie got her present. She bought it, and wrapped it. All I did was sign the card and mail it. If you want to clarify your attitude toward Leslie, You will have to tell her yourself. I didn't have the heart to tell her what you had done.

Ted


Isn't it neat that he is now playing the victim? I guess I "had it in for him" when I was four and I "forced" him to shove food down my throat because I was not eating fast enough. How utterly insensitive I was. Let's not forget how cruel I was when I made him punch me. And now we "have it in" for him and Leslie. I guess we do "have it in for him" if we are protecting our children due to his past behavior with me. Please. He acts as if I started this whole thing. If you read my account of this horrid event on the post "The Last Goodbye", you will read how it all occurred. Amazing.

Then to top it off, my older brother called me out of the blue after not having contacted me for over 11 years. He's kind of a "floater". He had heard of the conflict between our family and my Dad. He then began to encourage me in what we had done and recounted all the physical abuse my Dad had wrought on him. I'm tell'n ya, I got off easy. His stories were heartbreaking. How I wish I could have been there to protect him as a little boy. He definitely got the brunt of it. I still can't believe my Dad refuses to acknowledge the abuse. There is no way he could have forgotten, but he is willing to re-write history and lose his grandchildren just to save face. It truly amazes me. Can someone really forget this stuff? I'm trying to wrap my head around this possibility. I know my brother and I are not making it up....my Mother was a witness to part of it. And the main reason why my Mother divorced my Dad was because of his horrendous temper and threats. It is obvious to me that my Dad is willing to lose a lot over this. I just don't get it....I really just don't get it.

All that being said, I still have no regrets....but I do have true grief over it all. How I wish my Dad could just get "real" about all that has happened. I would love him more for this..but he doesn't see this. Accountability for one's actions can be so painful....but in the end it has tremendous rewards.

To all of you who have true heroes for Daddy's, ....please count your blessings and carry on this legacy to the next generation. Your children, and the entire world will be blessed by this. And for those, who did not have heroes for Dads.....well, Jesus can fill that void....I know, He did for me and has blessed our current family and my marriage with a hero that my children will never forget.......my husband.