It's Been Awhile....

Hey man. I know, it's been awhile...but I just didn't know how to top that last post!!

What I last wrote about has been on my mind everyday since. I have been expecting to feel really bad about the whole situation, but I don't. In fact, I feel like a new person. I feel I have shed a skin that I didn't know needed shedding. I keep expecting to hit a wall, but every day I keep feeling better and better.

I knew that at some point the issue of my parents and them spending extended time with my children would eventually come up and it wouldn't be comfortable. But I kept putting it off thinking "How can I live without my family?" And now that it has happened, I am wondering "How did I ever live with them?"

I am free. I just can't get over it! Who would have known and event so awful could have resulted in feeling so good? I feel like a nut job! The truth is out and I don't have to pretend things are perfect anymore. I love this! What euphoric peace.

As it stands now, I have no intention nor motivation to contact my Dad or StepMom. I would rather have no relationship with them than the one we had. And if we ever do have a relationship again, the requirement will be that it has to be better than having no relationship at all...which will have to include an acknowledgement of the past, an apology and a verbalized promise and effort, on their part, not to spill their poison out on our family.

My husband went on a business trip all the way across the country right in the town where my parents and grandparents live. Imagine that. He took the time to go to my grandparents place unannounced. It turns out they are very angry at me. They too, can't believe my Dad's temper is as bad as I have proclaimed.....and if it was, they are claiming I probably deserved it since I was such a difficult child. This part I can't understand. I got good grades, went to church on my own, was involved in several sports, never drank, never did drugs and never was in trouble with the law. My nose was clean. They told my husband I wasn't as easy as my half sister who, by the way, did drink, party, sneak out, smoke and do drugs. However, I will say, she did make some pretty awesome grades. I'm not quite getting where they conclude I was this awful child....maybe to rationalize why things happened but still keep peace?

It also came out that they, my grandparents along with my parents, do not like that we have so many children...and why were we having more? It always amazes me how people take our family planning so personally. Tell me, what is it that they feel they have a stake in? Like we are having children just to piss them off? How are they being affected and why are they the ones getting so emotional about it? Now, if I were having each child by a different man, on drugs, on welfare and my children's needs were not being met, I can begin to see why they would be upset. But this isn't even close to what is happening.....so not even close. I am in a loving, protective marriage and not once have we ever asked for any financial assistance. The children are well cared for and happy.....so, remind me, what's the problem again?

They began to attack our homeschooling and how it can't be possible that I could homeschool them all successfully. Do you know there are parents that would pay big bucks to have the student to teacher ratio that is available in our home of 8:1 ? Personally, I can't see how a teacher can have a student to teacher ratio of 25:1 and teach productively. I think we have a pretty sweet set up! In our state, we are required that by the age of seven, we have to test them every year by some approved standardized test. All of our children who have been tested, have tested at grade level, and in many areas, above grade level. So......remind me, what's the problem again?

We aren't following the family rules and we have spoken the truth. On our part, there has been no screaming, threatening nor name calling. The fall out of all of this has been tremendous and intriguing. The gnashing of teeth that is going on in that neck of woods while we stand idly and calmly by is like watching pirhannas fight over a cheeseburger. Pretty soon all they are going to have is themselves to feed on.

With everything out in the open, although it's odd, I don't even feel that angry anymore. In fact, I feel more compassion for my estranged family than I ever have. When I pray, I feel my prayers are more heartfelt and not laced with anger. I feel that my marriage has grown stronger as a result as well. With Steve going to my grandparent's place, he drew a line in the sand as far as our family's values and goals were concerned. He did not demand agreement from them, but a mutual respect that has not ever been shown to our family. My husband and I are a team and a force that can not be divided. Steve made this very clear and I love him for this as he is such a soft spoken man most of the time. He is my hero and my champion.

Well,...that's enough for now. I'll be back soon, I promise.