Last week was my daughter's birthday and lo and behold we received a gift from my parents for her. They have made no attempt to contact Steve nor me but they somehow found it appropriate to send my dtr. a gift. As much as we would love a reconciliation, this was not going to work. Now, I know this sounds like a sweet attempt on their part.....but we sent it back with a letter written by my husband. Before you go and think that was such a horrible thing we did, read the following and I think you will understand. Let me add, that I am so proud of my husband....he is truly my hero.
Ted,
Yesterday we received your gift for Mollie. Thank you, it was very thoughtful.
However, at this time we cannot accept it. At the beach house you expressed numerous times that you did not want to continue a relationship with my wife. Since then there has been no contact, I am assuming that this still holds true.
As Thea’s husband and Mollie’s father a resolution needs to take place before any relationship is resumed with any member of my family. Circumventing parental relationships in order to maintain a grandchild’s relationship is not acceptable.
In order for a reconciliation to take place, several things need to happen:
1) An apology for your behavior at the beach house to my wife and my daughter Mollie who witnessed your outburst.
2) An acknowledgement that your anger is, and has been, a destructive problem.
3) An agreement that an attempt will be made not to use your temper with or against any of my family in the future.
4) An agreement to respect my choices in how I lead my family in regards to parenting, education, number of children and religion. I am not asking you to agree or like my decisions, just respect them. If you have any concerns regarding any of these areas, I would prefer you go through me to discuss them as opposed to making comments to / through the children and family gossip. We will abide by this in regards to your life choices as well.
Sincerely,
Steve
In case I haven't already said this, I love that Steve sent the above letter. My Dad responded with this letter:
Isn't it neat that he is now playing the victim? I guess I "had it in for him" when I was four and I "forced" him to shove food down my throat because I was not eating fast enough. How utterly insensitive I was. Let's not forget how cruel I was when I made him punch me. And now we "have it in" for him and Leslie. I guess we do "have it in for him" if we are protecting our children due to his past behavior with me. Please. He acts as if I started this whole thing. If you read my account of this horrid event on the post "The Last Goodbye", you will read how it all occurred. Amazing.
All that being said, I still have no regrets....but I do have true grief over it all. How I wish my Dad could just get "real" about all that has happened. I would love him more for this..but he doesn't see this. Accountability for one's actions can be so painful....but in the end it has tremendous rewards.
To all of you who have true heroes for Daddy's, ....please count your blessings and carry on this legacy to the next generation. Your children, and the entire world will be blessed by this. And for those, who did not have heroes for Dads.....well, Jesus can fill that void....I know, He did for me and has blessed our current family and my marriage with a hero that my children will never forget.......my husband.